It was announced today that JJ. Abrams will direct the new Star Wars film.
Here is what it said… (short version):
>>…will direct Star Wars: Episode VII, the first Star Wars movie since the last of the prequel trilogy, 2005′s Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, which came subsequent to the first, original trio of movies that launched the saga, 39 years prior to the completion of Episode VII, which is based previous to the original trio making this the 4th movie in the series, all of which occur before the first three movies in the series, despite being made long before the most recent four, as well as prior to the actual birth of the individuals Mr. Abrams will be directing.
In fact, JJ. Abrams was 10 years old when the sequels to the prequels began making most of the world wonder both just how old George Lucas truly is, and whether he has already died – and his current incarnation is merely a sequel to his prequel incarnation, or if the billions of dollars he is worth has, as previously speculated, been preceded by a previous deal with Disney for access to the technology that has kept Walt Disney frozen since just prior (preceding his death, thereby providing a sequel to his life when thawed & cured of what killed him moments after he was frozen prior to the prequel of death) and that technology is used to freeze/thaw George Lucas periodically (with thawing always a sequel to freezing) so that Mr. Lucas can slow the aging process, providing actress Natalie Portman ample time to age, and, without her prior or current knowledge, and prepare her for the next sequence (sequel?) in real life, that of becoming Mrs. George Lucas, when Mr. Lucas is subsequently rethawed (a sequel to his preceding freeze just prior) in 2048, to wed.
(All of this is subject to Ms. Portman still living by then, however, prior to the wedding day, previous arrangements preceded Mr. Lucas’ thawing, to ensure that any subsequent disease or death of Ms. Portman be preceded by immediate access to the Freeze Technology, so that she may be cured subsequent to her wedding to Mr. Lucas, sequentially, of course, after her thawing.
Mr. Lucas (age, discounting freezing) 66 (101 years total) and Ms. Portman, will wed on her 77th birthday (however she will celebrate it as her 60th due to 17 years of pre-freezing previously arranged prior to, as part of the contracts which were entered into that made her star of the prequel to the sequel movie series).
We would like to offer best wishes on their wedding day, which will, in 35 years hence, be considered a prequel to the sequel wishes we will offer again that same day in 2048. You heard it hear first, unless the first you hear of it is in 2048, in which case, you do NOT pass go, and must go directly to jail, until you have seen the sequel and the subsequent prequels in the order in which they were conceived, (which includes the sequels – which were conceived prior to the conception of Ms. Portman herself!)
The cake has been reported as being fresh, though that is only pre-speculation, and won’t be known unless there are events preceding the wedding that will reveal information that will subsequently follow.
What the fuck are you smoking?
And why aren’t you sharing?
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